


My happy childhood

by HijikataTrash



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Blood, Childhood Friends, Depressed Oikawa Tooru, Domestic Violence, Emotional Hurt, Explicit Language, Flashbacks, M/M, Memories, Sad Ending, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-22
Updated: 2017-05-22
Packaged: 2018-11-03 12:56:19
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,398
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10967697
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/HijikataTrash/pseuds/HijikataTrash
Summary: “I could be your private therapist. I’ll listen to you and it’d be free!”“Would you really do that for me?”“Hey, what are best friends for? Plus, no more pill prescribing!” They turned their heads toward each other for the first time in the span of the conversation. Heavy tears hanged on Oikawa’s eyes.“Thank you, Iwa-chan!”





	My happy childhood

**Author's Note:**

> Trigger warnings : a lot of blood, suicide, depression and abuse mentions. Enjoy your read!

“How are you doing, Iwaizumi-san?”

 

He didn’t even know how he ended in here. His friends had dragged him in this small office that looked like it needed some renovations. It smelled like cleaning products and leather and he didn’t like it. He didn’t need to be here, he didn’t need anyone’s help.

No, that statement was wrong.

He didn’t _want_ anyone’s help. Especially not a therapist’s. The only thing those professionals want is to give you some pills to drug your feelings. Iwaizumi didn’t want to feel numb, he wanted every single emotions he would be offered. That’s what his best friend taught him, to not trust any of those therapists. They didn’t really care.

-

_He was waiting for his best friend’s return, lying down on the ground in front of his house. He was staring at the big blue sky, tainted by white clouds. He tried to decipher shapes in them. He spotted a form that looked like a dog, with its big ears and four legged body. That dog seemed to be chasing after an airplane and that airplane was ridden by a human looking shape. Iwaizumi imagined it being him. Flying sounded nice._

_His search was brought to a stop when a small round face blocked his view._

_“Why are you staring at the sky?”_

_“Looking for shapes is all,”_

_“You’re 15 Iwa-chan; don’t you have anything better to do?” He giggled, laughing at his own words. Iwaizumi ignored his remark and continued his cloud gazing. Meanwhile, the other boy lied down next to his friend. The grass was warm and ticklish, but he wouldn’t complain if Iwaizumi didn’t._

_“So, how was your day?” Iwaizumi wasn’t is angry self, he seemed more understanding and Oikawa didn’t know if he liked that or not._

_“Well you know the usual. Volleyball, this...and that,” Iwaizumi sighed._

_“I know that, I was there. I meant your appointment, how’d it go?” It was the brown haired boy’s turn to sigh._

_“If there’s one thing to say about it, it’s that it’s utter bullshit. All they ever want to do is throw some pills at you, but they aren’t something I want. They won’t help, you know?” In truth, Iwaizumi didn’t know, but he nodded. Oikawa’s humour changed quickly, he sounded disappointed._

_“Why don’t you try them? They might help,”_

_“No. Those damned therapists know you for what, 40 minutes? And they think they know you by heart and what’s good for you. I hate them, always digging into my head and trying to make me talk,” Iwaizumi didn’t want to push him too much so he didn’t insist._

_“It’s the third one this month. You need to talk to someone,” Oikawa didn’t answer, instead rubbed his head and turned around on his belly. Iwaizumi followed the action._

_“I could be your private therapist. I’ll listen to you and it’d be free!”_

_“Would you really do that for me?”_

_“Hey, what are best friends for? Plus, no more pill prescribing!” They turned their heads toward each other for the first time in the span of the conversation. Heavy tears hanged on Oikawa’s eyes._

_“Thank you, Iwa-chan!”_

_-_

“I’m doing great, actually. I’ve never been this well, why do you ask?” The old woman in front of him didn’t buy the act at all, but why would he care? He is not here to please her desire to know.

“Your friends and family are pretty worried about you. You haven’t talked to anyone in months,”

“That’s not true; I just talked to Makki and Matsun before coming in here,”

 

He didn’t want to talk to anyone. He didn’t want to confide in this woman and he didn’t want to answer to her questions. The only person he was willing to talk to was Oikawa. He would understand, unlike all those people trying in vain.

-

_Iwaizumi always hated talking on the phone, it stressed him out. He thought it was awkward and embarrassing. He preferred texting. But ever since Oikawa’s mental health got worse, he was forced into it. Oikawa would call him at any time of the day because “Iwaizumi sucks at replying”. Nevertheless, Iwaizumi never missed a call, he always answered and they spent hours on the phone._

_One day, Iwaizumi didn’t answer. Being busy babysitting his nephew, he forgot his cell phone on his bed for half the day. When the kid left, Iwaizumi almost ran to his bedroom, knowing too damn well how stupid he had been for forgetting as important as this. At least it was to Oikawa._

_He gasped at the 10 missed calls and 23 unread messages from none other than Oikawa. Some of them read his clear panic. “Answer please.” “What are you doing? I need you.” “Please Iwa-chan” and finally, “My dad is home.”_

_-_

“Fine, you don’t want to talk about you, we’ll talk about your friend Oikawa,” Iwaizumi snapped his head up upon hearing his friend’s name. For the first time since the beginning of the meeting, he saw the woman’s face. She looked as old as she sounded. Gray, short hair masked her head and her face was covered in wrinkles. He didn’t tell her to stop, letting her continue.

“Were you aware of the fact that he lived with abuse at home?” Of course he knew.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” He truly didn’t want to.

“Why did you never try to seek help for him?” Iwaizumi was baffled, how could she have the nerve to mention his best friend like this?

“I said I don’t want to talk about it!” That shut her up and she wrote something on the papers in front of her.

-

_Oikawa’s father abandoned him and his mother when he was still really young. He apparently wasn’t ready to assume a father’s role, so he cowardly ran away. However, after 8 years without him, he came back begging to be taken back. Oikawa described his mother as stupid for letting him back into their lives after so many years. What she didn’t see at his return, was how he had changed. He wasn’t the sweet and romantic guy she had met so many years ago. He was now bestowed with a heart of ice and angry fists._

_Oikawa didn’t want to be associated with him nor did he want to acknowledge him as his father. He and Iwaizumi even started calling him “The fake dad” behind his back to laugh._

_It was less funny the first time he hit him._

_In a desperate attempt at protecting his mum from her angry husband, Oikawa fell victim of his father’s fist. He came to school the next day with a bruised face and red eyes. Even though he was only 11, Iwaizumi understood quite fast and talked Oikawa into confessing. After talking and crying for an hour, they made a pinky promise to never tell anyone, forcing Iwaizumi into silence._

_After that day, Oikawa’s dad would go missing from the house for days, sometimes even weeks, leaving them some peaceful days to breathe properly. The times he was home though, he would never try to hit his wife. Oikawa was his victim. When his wife’s back was turned, he would hit and kick Oikawa. He’d scream and insult him until he was persecuted by his wife’s eyes. When it did happen, Oikawa would call his best friend in a hurry and come to his house. It became a routine for them._

_That time he didn’t answer the call is the thing he regrets the most._

_Mere seconds after reading the last message, Iwaizumi was already calling his childhood’s friend phone._

_It rang and rang and rang._

_Until the other line finally picked up. The only thing that could be heard was heavy breathing and what sounded like someone whining in pain._

_“Oi, are you there? It’s me, Iwa-chan!” There was no answer. “Oi? I’m so sorry I didn’t answer. I-“He was cut off by a small voice._

_“It’s okay. You don’t have to apologize. You were busy, I can understand, don’t worry. You’re not at fault for my fake dad’s actions,” His voice didn’t sound okay in the slightest. It was tired and he struggle with words._

_“Do I have to come get you? I’m on my way,” He stood up and ran downstairs as quickly as he could, still on the phone. “Are you home?”_

_“Yeah, I’m in the backyard,”_

_“I’ll be right there!” He hung up the phone and opened the door, only to be greeted by the rain.  
What a bad timing. He grabbed a coat and started running toward Oikawa’s house. He didn’t live really far and he was pretty fast on his feet. He was drenched and his heart felt like it was going to burst out of his chest, but there was no way he was stopping until he was at his best friend’s side. _

_The ground was muddy and wet, it didn’t seem to bother Oikawa. He was holding his right side and he was shaking. Iwaizumi hurried to his friend’s body and kneeled on the ground. He grabbed his face and tried to feel his breathing._

_Fortunately, he was breathing, hardly, but he was._

_“Are you alright?”_

_“Obviously not, dumbass,” He laughed which made him wince. Iwaizumi was glad that even through this he was still capable of joking._

_“Let’s go,” He helped Oikawa up on his feet. He let out a yelp and almost brought them both on the ground. Iwaizumi was strong though, so he kept them both on their feet._

_-_

“I know you don’t want to talk about it, Iwaizumi. I know how you feel, but I need you to talk to me,” Anything would have been better than talking to this person. Anyone would have been a better pick than _her_. “Do you feel regrets when you think about your friend?”

“How is that any of your business?” She ignored him and continued.

“Were you there for him when he needed?”

 

He was. He tried his best, he really did.

-

_His mum didn’t ask any questions when they entered the bright lighted room. She didn’t try to understand the situation; she assumed her 17 year old boy could take care of everything. Or at least explain it to her later on, when everything had calmed down. She helped them get upstairs in the bathroom and got everything they would need to clean the wounds on Oikawa’s body. She then left the room to leave them alone._

_Iwaizumi had never taken care of someone else’s wounds before, but he had seen his mum do it so often, he assumed he could do it. He started by stripping him out of his clothes since he was shaking from the cold. He put them in the bathtub and lent him some of his own warm clothes._

_After everything had been taken care of, Iwaizumi laid Oikawa’s broken body on his bed and turned the light off. He walked out and was faced with his mother’s concerned face._

_-_

“Do you often have fights with your parents?” She changed the subject like it was all a list she had to accomplish in the less time possible.

“Like every kid, yeah,”

“Important ones? That could break your relationship with them?”

“No.”

 

But he was lying. Fights with his parents were something regular in his house, due to his strict parents.

-

_“Bloody hell Hajime! What happened out there? Did you guys get into a fight?” She was clearly upset._

_“No, far from that. He- I can’t talk about it,” She wasn’t accepting this as an explanation and ordered more details._

_“Mum I can’t! Ask him and maybe he’ll tell you!”_

_“Iwaizumi Hajime! Don’t you trust your own mother?” She was almost screaming her words and Iwaizumi just wanted to go back to Oikawa._

_“No, Mum, I don’t. I can’t trust you with that matter,” He walked toward his room and turned around. “Please don’t tell his dad he was here. I know you talk to him, so please keep quiet,” She was stunned in place. She wondered what could be going on in her son’s life._

_After that night, their relationship was never the same._

_-_

“Iwaizumi-san, I don’t know what you expect from me. I don’t know why you are so restraint with your words or why you are so cautious of me. What aren’t you telling me?” He didn’t answer. He didn’t think this was an encounter worthy of confessions. “Let me tell you something, Iwaizumi. Your mother came to me _crying_ for me to help you. She wants your well-being; she wants you to finally be free of your own thoughts. I’ve had thousands of people like you in this office and I’ve proven effective in most cases. I can help you and you can trust me. Let me help you!” Her voice was desperate and Iwaizumi was tired. Tired of fighting, tired of living, tired of having this hole in his chest. This hole that wouldn’t be filled, that _couldn’t_ be filled.

“Alright,” He finally gave up.  The hint of a victorious smile appeared on the therapist’s face.

“Let’s start from the beginning, shall we? How are you doing today, Iwaizumi?”

“Terrible.”

-

_Are eighteenth birthdays supposed to be crazy? Filled with alcohol and pretty girls? Iwaizumi’s sure didn’t happen like that. He spent the night with Oikawa in his room talking about aliens. It was one of the rare happy nights they had together, even though Oikawa was mainly here to run from his father. It didn’t last for long, because their party was crashed by none other than Oikawa’s paternal figure. At first they didn’t hear him. Then the next thing they knew was that the door had exploded and on the ground. Iwaizumi screamed and Oikawa just stared at the figure standing in the door frame. Iwaizumi recognized him immediately._

_“What are you doing at my house? Get out!” He stood up between Oikawa and his dad. Then he saw her. His own mother, standing behind the tall man, crying in her hands. “Mum please tell me you didn’t tell him we were here,” She shook her head and continued her crying. “Mum! Tell me it wasn’t you!” She let an inaudible sound out. “Please...” He knew it was her. He didn’t need a confirmation._

_“You’re coming home with me, Oikawa,” The man tried to grab Oikawa, but Iwaizumi interfered._

_“No.” There was no way his best friend was leaving with him. Not now, not ever. “He is staying and_ you _are leaving. Else I’m calling the police.” He took his cell phone and composed 911. “I’m serious,” The man clicked his tongue and left without a word. Once the front door finally closed, Iwaizumi dropped his cell phone and turn to Oikawa. He had sunk to the ground, hands trembling and eyes empty. Iwaizumi hugged him tightly. “You’re okay Oikawa, I’m here, it’s fine,”_

_-_

“Do you feel like this because of your friend’s departure?”

“Departure? Is this how people call a suicide these days?”

“Pardon me, I didn’t want to sound harsh,” Her voice was calm, careful.

“Well use real words,” He wasn’t playing games, if he had to talk, might as well do it honestly.

“Tell me about it. The suicide, I mean,”

 

Out of all the things he wanted to talk about right now, Oikawa’s suicide wasn’t even on the list. He avoided it for the last year, didn’t even mention it once.

-

_The day Oikawa killed himself, Iwaizumi was there. He remembers that day vividly, as if his mind recorded it to make him suffer._

_The day Oikawa killed himself, the sky was gray and the clouds were crying._

_The day Oikawa killed himself, every color disappeared._

_The day Oikawa killed himself, a part of Iwaizumi also died._

_It was an afternoon, actually. A cold October afternoon. Oikawa’s favourite. The rain was slow, falling at a slow pace, taking its time._

_Sunday. It was Sunday afternoon._

_Everything was blurry on the street that day._

_Iwaizumi got a final call from his friend. “Thank you, Iwa-chan. I’m sorry, I love you.”_

_He didn’t even get the chance to answer. So he ran. He ran in the blurry street and knocked the door down. No one was home. Then he heard it._

_Bang. A loud, ear piercing bang. He recognized it as a gun sound._

_He was the one to find Oikawa. Lying in a pool of his own blood._

_Blood._

_There was blood everywhere. On the white sheets, on the floor, on the walls, on Iwaizumi. Iwaizumi sank to his knees, staining his clothes. He tried to scream for help, he tried to call 911. But the only thing he could do was scream his best friend’s name over and over again._

_“Oikawa, wake up! Tooru! Don’t do this!”_

_He broke down crying, crying his eyes out and sobbing out words he didn’t comprehend._

_“I love you, Tooru. Tooru! Tooru, Tooru, Tooru!” He never called him Tooru and now it was spilling out like nothing ever before. Why didn’t he call him Tooru when he was alive? “Tooru, Tooru, Tooru!”_

_-_

“How do you live with that?”

“I read his suicide note every day,”

“Would you read it to me please?” He pulled it out of his pocket and cleared his throat.

“Aliens are real. I’m going to join them now. I’m going to be free and fly. Do not worry for I will be more than happy.

P.S- Dad, fuck you.

P.P.S- Iwaizumi, you are the love of my life. I love you.”

There are bloody fingerprints on the paper, Iwaizumi’s.

“He kept his sense of humour until the end,”

“Did you love him too?” How could she even feel the need to ask that?

“Of course I do, but a coward like me could never tell him,”

“Do you have any regrets?”

“I do,”

-

_The day of Oikawa’s funeral, there was way too many people. People who barely knew him. His dad didn’t show up and Iwaizumi was glad. He couldn’t have controlled himself if he saw him. Oikawa’s mother insisted for Iwaizumi to do a speech at the funeral. Iwaizumi thought long and through, before writing a paragraph about his best friend._

_The day of the funeral, he tore it apart and threw it away. Once it was his turn, he walked in front of everyone and talked, as normally as possible._

_“A few of you knew Oikawa like I did. A few lucky people in this world were graced with Oikawa’s true and beautiful personality. Oikawa was harsh, he was polite and he was a great volleyball player. He liked milk bread and hated his eyes. Now, how could someone with such unique brown eyes hate them? I joke you not, he once wrote 3 whole pages on why his eyes were the ugliest he’d ever seen,” A laugh erupted in the room. “Oikawa was a funny person, a drama queen. Oikawa liked to have the attention and believed in aliens like no other. His hair were soft and always looked good no matter what he did. I never loved anyone like I loved Oikawa. I never felt anything as raw and as real as what I felt when I was with Oikawa. It was pure love, from the bottom of my heart. But I never got the chance to tell him because I’m a coward. Oikawa was probably the love of my life and I lost him forever. My soulmate. What I would do to hear his voice again, his-“Iwaizumi suddenly came to a halt and gasped. His eyes filled with tears and he fell to his knees. Makki ran to him and asked what happened._

_“I can’t hear his voice anymore. No matter how hard I try, I just don’t remember. What his voice sounded like, his laugh, his cry...nothing,” He choked and almost started screaming. “I can’t, Makki, it’s gone! I can’t remember, I can’t!” He ran out, chased by his friends. He started crying again, feeling hopeless and empty._

_-_

“I can’t be helped, it’s not your fault, ma’am,” Iwaizumi stood up and left the room.

“Wait!” She called for his friends, but it was too late.

 

Iwaizumi was running away from his sadness too. Soon, he and Oikawa would reunite. There was no doubt.

Wherever Oikawa goes, Iwaizumi follows.

 

**Author's Note:**

> Honestly cried my eyes out while writing that because it's a close cause to me. Hope you enjoyed! Don't forget to leave kudos and comments:)


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